2013

Sometimes doing the same thing all the time can seem boring. But sometimes it seems really important. This weekend, the girls ran in the annual Ridgewood Memorial Day Run; Caroline running the 5K and Katherine the Fun Run.

The girls and Rob (and sometimes I) have run the race since we moved here. Rob ran this race as a child and my father-in-law, Frank, has been running the Ridgewood race since the early 1970s.

Looking back through the pictures, nearly the same pose each year, is something. Some years showing dramatic changes and some years nearly  none.

But each year showing a tradition growing stronger and stronger.

You can watch time pass with each picture below…

2009

2010

2011

2012

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“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.”

-Charles William Eliot

 

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The Virtual Book Club is here!!

Welcome to our first meeting.

I have been reading about Brene Brown for years. And then this spring, wherever I turned I read about her latest book, Daring Greatly. When I saw the book at my friend Maren‘s house I had an idea. I have been wanting to host a book club here for ages and Maren is getting serious about blogging. And I need accountability to tackle a new project. I put all these pieces together and realized that Maren and I should host this book club together.

We are going to alternate weeks as the primary writer but please check the comments section as we will each chime in on each other’s post.

Our format is going to remain consistent with each posting. We will present 1. a brief summary of the chapter, 2. favorite quotes and 3. questions.

This post is a bit long because I am rolling together the Introduction and Chapter 1. I promise more short and sweet posts moving forward…

What It Means to Dare Greatly

Brene managed to sneak in an ‘introduction to the introduction’ at the very start of the book. In this short, three page ‘chapter’ she introduces us to the crux of the book. She begins with Theodore Roosevelt’s quote.

“…The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena… who at best knows in the end triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly…” 

I was reading Brene’s interview with Oprah in O Magazine the other day and discovered how Brene found this quote and in turn what motivated her to write this book. After reading a bunch of negative comments about herself on-line, Brene indulged in a Downtown Abbey marathon. After hours sitting on the couch, she decided to get on-line and see what was happening in the US at the time portrayed in the series. And this was when she stumbled upon Roosevelt’s powerful words. You never know when you will find inspiration…

Introduction

In this part of the book, Brene talks about how she came to focus on shame and vulnerability as a researcher, social worker and writer.

She states that “Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” And without vulnerability, there can be no true connection.

Through her studies and research of people who seemed to nail vulnerability,  Brene noted 10 ‘guideposts’ for Wholehearted Living. They can be found of page 9 of the hardcover book so I won’t list them all but I will highlight my favorite and one I would like to consider more.

“Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth.”

More on that another day or this is going to be the longest post ever.

The other piece that I took from the Introduction was Brene’s thoughts on parenting.

She writes, “When it comes to parenting, the practice of framing mothers and fathers as good or bad is both rampant and corrosive- it turns parenting into a shame minefield. The real question for parents should be: “Are you engaged? Are you paying attention?” 

Chapter 1: Scarcity: Looking Inside Our Culture of “Never Enough”

Summary:

If we are going to learn to ‘dare greatly’ we must first understand where we are now.  Brene asserts that our culture of ‘never enough’ is working to hold us all back. She feels strongly that in the past decade, things have shifted in our country, that we are all suffering from a kind of collective post-traumatic stress. We have lived through 9/11, two wars, powerful natural disasters, a recession and multiple mass shootings. This collective fear is expressed in scarcity, a belief that we never have enough. Not enough safety, love, money or resources. And then we begin to compare ourselves to the media’s view of perfection in the form of the super rich or the super famous or to our fictional perception of another’s great life. In doing this we never feel that we are ‘enough.’

Favorite Quote: 

“I use the word overcome because to grow a relationship or raise a family or create an organizational culture or run a school or nurture a faith community, all in a way that is fundamentally opposite to the cultural norms driven buy scarcity, it takes awareness, commitment, and work.. every single day. The larger culture is always applying pressure, and unless we’re willing to push back and fight for what we believe in, the default becomes a state of scarcity. We’re called to “dare greatly” every time we make choices that challenge the social climate of scarcity.” 

Question: 

Feel free to answer in the comment section or just to think about the following:

Are you working to ‘dare greatly’ by fighting against our culture of ‘never enough?’ How?

 

 

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The other night we were at our elementary school’s auction. Rob ran into a friend who he knows to be very knowledgable about electronics. Rob began peppering him with questions and as I prepared to join a more interesting conversation, I heard our friend exclaim, “What!?”

You see, Rob had just told him, in response to a question about speakers, that I don’t like sound.

“You don’t like sound!?”, he asked incredulously.

I smiled shyly, nodded and walked off letting Rob explain.

For people who love music, sound effects and surround sound speakers, I must be a very confusing soul. They must feel about me as I do about people who don’t like books.

Ironically, I was reading through prompts from Ali Edward’s 31 Days program and one I had not written yet was ‘sound.’  Ali writes, “Radio, music, talk? What do you listen to? Kids chatter? Silence? Think about the variety of different sounds you encounter over the course of a day.”

I chose to focus on morning sounds. Here goes..

The cat’s meow as he lifts his arthritic body up the stairs.

The dog scratching to get out of her crate.

The newspapers hitting the sidewalk.

The ping of my phone as I turn it back on.

Caroline opening her door and clomping down the stairs. She inherited heavy feet from my dad.

Katherine stretching and yawning as she pulls herself slowly from her bed.

Now, if these were the only sounds, maybe I wouldn’t dislike sound all that much.

 

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I am fascinated with Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project and all the wonderful-ness that has come from that project. What I find most fascinating about her is not her work, her writing or her message. What I find truly amazing is her ability to pick a topic, a passion and turn it into an amazing writing career.

I am ‘borrowing’ my blog post from a post that Gretchen shared last week.

She wrote, “Here is a list of questions meant to help you think about yourself, your daily habits, your nature, and your interests. There are no right or wrong answers; they’re fodder for reflection.”

Gretchen’s questions are in bold and my responses follow. I’d love to hear some of yours.. this was a revealing exercise.

If something is forbidden, do you want it less or more? Less. I’ve never really been a risk taker.

Is there an area of your life where you feel out of control? Especially in control? I am totally out of control when it comes to the mess on my desk. I always thought of myself as a neat person but I just can’t control the mess on my desk. I remember my  mom’s desk at work was always a disaster but she could find anything on it. Somehow, I have developed this same habit. As we hit the end of the school year and mere weeks before our move, I would not say I am particularly in control of anything.

If you unexpectedly had a completely free afternoon, what would you do with that time? Read. And then maybe clean my desk.

Are you comfortable or uncomfortable in a disorderly environment? Gosh. I didn’t really mean for this to be all about my desk but I find this answer to be about the desk as well. I tend to hate disorder. In fact, I am definitely that person who will shove clutter in the closets or under the bed right before company comes to make the house appear neat. That said, though, maybe I don’t mind it so much or I would have my desk under control.

How much time do you spend looking for things you can’t find? Too much.

Are you motivated by competition? No. Much to my husband’s confusion. I remember purposely loosing tennis games because I was just really ready to go home. Shh… don’t tell my old team mates.

Fill in the blank: “I really wish I could make consistent progress on my project to _______.” Stop eating sugar.

Do you find it easier to do things for other people than to do things for yourself? Depends on my mood.

Whom do you envy? Why? People, like Gretchen Rubin, who set goals and meet them efficiently.

What do you lie about? The truth is really awfully important to me. I don’t think I really lie about much of anything. In fact, some might argue that I should lie a bit more. My girls know way more about the ‘birds and the bees’ than their peers do…

What did you do for fun when you were ten years old? Do you still do that activity–or would you like to do it? Read and write. Still doing it…

Do you work constantly? or think you should be working? I do always think I should be doing something.

Do you embrace rules or flout rules? Total rule follow here.

Do you keep New Year’s resolutions? No.

Do you work well under pressure? Deadlines? Yes. This is something that has changed drastically as I have gotten older. As a student, I would be that annoying girl who turned papers in way ahead of time. I considered a project late if it wasn’t done the day before. Now, I desperately need a deadline to get anything done.

How much TV do you watch in a week (and yes, this includes computer time spent watching videos, movies, YouTube)? Not much at all.

Are you a morning person or a night person? My terribly boring answer is neither. I could go to bed early and wake up late every day.

What’s more satisfying to you: saving time or saving money? Saving time.

Do you like to be in the spotlight? Yes.

Is your life “on hold” in any aspect? Until you finish your thesis, get married, lose weight, move? There are definitely things I am waiting to do until after we move.

What would you do if you had more energy? Stay up later. Write more. And honestly, I would watch more tv. I feel like entire cultural movements have passed me by. The Office. Gray’s Anatomy. I could go on.

If you suddenly had an extra room in your house, what would you do with it? I would have a library/office space. No tv. Comfy chairs, desk and book cases.

Is it hard for you to get rid of things that you no longer need or want? No. I am a huge purger.

On a typical night, what time do you go to bed? How many hours of sleep do you get? I go to sleep by 10 and am up by 6:30. I know, I know. See the question above. Boring…

If at the end of the year, you had accomplished one thing, what is the one accomplishment that would make the biggest difference to your happiness? See above re: breaking my sugar addiction.

Is there an activity that you love to do–yet somehow never seem actually to do it? I am finally taking more pictures but I would like to make more purposeful time for photography. Photography was one of my most favorite classes in high school and somehow, like my writing, it was completed dropped in college.

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“Not a day goes by that I don’t still need to remind myself that my life is not just what’s handed to me, nor is it my list of obligations, my accomplishments or failures, or what my family is up to, but rather it is what I choose, day in and day out, to make of it all. When I am able simply to be with things as they are, able to accept the day’s challenges without judging, reaching, or wishing for something else, I feel as if I am receiving the privilege, coming a step closer to being myself. It’s when I get lost in the day’s details, or so caught up in worries about what might be, that I miss the beauty of what is.”
-Katrina Kenison, The Gift of an Ordinary Day

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A few months ago I made a big reading confession. I had stopped reading aloud to Caroline because we struggled to find read aloud books that both girls liked.

And then we were finally saved by The Penderwicks, the most amazing middle grade series I have read in a long, long time.

The other night, I was reminded again of why it is so lovely to find time to read as a family. The Penderwicks, a family of girls, Rosalind, Skye, Jane and Batty, have become real to us. We talk about them as if they live down the street instead of between the pages of books. We use their problems as a way to talk through our own. We laugh at their jokes and wonder if our vacation to Maine will be like theirs.

I guess then it makes sense that their joys would become ours. I won’t spoil it for any of you who haven’t read the series yet but there is a big reveal in the third book. I must admit to reading ahead because I just couldn’t stand the suspense. And Caroline saw the surprise coming long before Katherine did but she kept the secret. Therefore, when Katherine understood what was happening, she was free to jump up and down, scream and hug us both in complete joy. It was absolutely as if this wonderful thing had happened to a ‘real’ person.

And in some ways I guess it had.

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I am so glad that we finally announced the virtual book club last week. Since we did, I have heard from friends, both ‘real’ and ‘on-line’, who are looking forward to participating.

We also heard a lot of  questions. How often, how long, how? I realized that in my excitement to get the post out there (and quite frankly, in my haste to hit ‘post’ before chickening out!), I neglected to mention many (if any) details.

So, here’s the plan…

Maren and I will post about Daring Greatly once a week. One chapter per week. This seems like a good way to get a conversation going while at the same time not asking participants to read too much at a time. It is getting close to school end craziness after all.

Each post will include a quick summary of the chapter, some of our thoughts, favorite quotes and questions. You all can read along quietly or comment. Whatever feels right. We also hope to keep the conversations pretty self contained so you can jump in when you have time and not worry about having to ‘catch up.’ If you read the first two chapters and then go on vacation and read a murder mystery instead, you can jump back in on Chapter 4 and still understand what is going on. Our hope is that this format will make this a fun, easy, thought-provoking and guilt-free way to talk about interesting books.

So our tentative schedule follows:

May 15: Introduction and Chapter One

May 22: Chapter 2

May 29: Chapter 3

June 5: Chapter 4

June 12: Chapter 5

June 19: Chapter 6

June 26: Chapter 7

 

 

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I have been participating in Ali Edwards‘ 31 Things project and am just loving the photo and writing prompts.

Today’s prompt? Chores.

I thought of two things right away. Our counters and our kitchen floors. Both old and white and nearly impossible to keep clean. The counters became worse when we got my favorite appliance, the Keurig Coffee Maker. Unfortunately, the Keurig, while great at making coffee, spits onto my counters during each cup. And the coffee stains do not come up with a quick swipe of a sponge. I need to pull out the Clorox with bleach every time.

But really, the counters are nothing next to the floor. Black and white subway tile, original, from what I can tell, to our 1920’s house. I loved this tile the day we looked at  the house. It reminded me of the tile in my grandmother’s bathroom. Perhaps I would have been better served if my imagination pictured, instead of my grandmother’s house, the current owner, on her hands and knees before we arrived trying desperately to keep the floor clean.

For all the years we have been in this house, I have fought with the floors. With the girls, the dog and food, the floor is never clean. And I really mean never. I alternate between cleaning it daily and just deciding to live with the dirt. The floor becomes dirty again moments after cleaning  so more often than I would to admit the ‘living with the dirt’ philosophy wins. Knowing that we are moving soon, I have decided to keep the broom right in the kitchen and sweep dirt out the door when I can. Knowing that my days with this floor are about to end, gives me an amazing amount of happiness.

In just a few weeks, we will move to a house with hard wood kitchen floors. I know that there will still be dirt on the floor but I also know that I won’t be able to see it. That will be a good thing.

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I found a great list of firsts at the site Art Journalist. And then I just started goggling ‘list of firsts’ and found all sorts of fun things. I highly recommend this activity. It certainly pointed out early signs of aging (seeing as there are many first I just don’t remember!) but it will also reminded me of some great times that I had thought of in a long time.

First car: My mother’s hand-me-down Toyota Camry navy blue station wagon.

First teacher: My nursery school teacher from the Rumford Morning School. I don’t remember her name but I remember my painfully shy self standing at her side for the entirety of that school year.

First job: Counselor at Camp Cod Sea Camps

First concert: Jimmy Buffet

First plane ride: I flew when I was an infant from Rhode Island to New York. My mom reports that I cried the whole way. The first plane ride that I remember was to Florida when I do remember getting those adorable pilot wings.

First best friend: Amy Casey, a dear friend who I met at Mrs. Ryden’s house. Technically this was our day care but it was really more like our home away from home.

First sleepover: I’m pretty sure my first sleep over would have been at Amy Casey’s (see above) house but I’m really not sure.

First person you talked to today: Rob

First movie in a theatre: E.T. I remember being pretty scared but also pretty taken by that little guy.

First state you lived in: I was born in Rhode Island but moved pretty quickly to New York before coming back to Rhode Island again when I was three.

First pet: When I was really little we had a big grey cat named Pounce but the first pet I really remember was our furry, black dog named Midnight.

First foreign country you visited: Canada on an eighth grade field trip.

First doll: Victoria. The really interesting one though was my second doll who I inexplicably named Pussy. Like a pussy willow. But still…

First magazine you subscribed to: I suppose it would have been Highlights but I also remember Cobblestone and Cricket.

First horror movie: Nightmare on Elm Street. We hosted a sleep over at my grandmother’s beach house with it’s wall full of windows looking out on the water. As we watched the movie, my father snuck out side and came up to the windows making scary noises and faces. I spent the rest of that sleepover sleeping in my parent’s room. Sorry friends but I was scared.

First collection: Stamps. I had quite a collection going for awhile.

First instrument played: Piano.

First thing you learned to cook: The first food I remember cooking on my own was chocolate chip cookies. Perhaps this explains the serious sweet tooth that I have now.

First professional sporting event you went to: A New England Patriots Game.

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