I wasn’t sure that I wanted to blog about Boston. In some ways I feel like everything has been said. All the emotions have been out there and now it’s time to move on. But in other ways, it felt wrong to blog about anything else today. It felt like to do so, would negate all that this country went through last week.

I couldn’t quite decide what to do. Sometimes when I’m stuck, I will look through magazines for motivation. I will choose one word, a phrase, a picture and just write whatever comes to mind. Today, the word above jumped out at me.

Lucky.

After last week, I think we have been forced to feel lucky.

Some for being in the right place at the right time. Some for running too slow or too fast. Some for missing the train. Some for fighting with a friend and deciding not to watch their race. Then there are those of us who feel lucky to not have been in Boston at all. And those of us who are glad to not be lying in a hospital bed wondering how we will do our favorite things with one or even two less limbs.

Because the hospitalized victims feel lucky I am sure when they look at the big picture. But don’t they feel unlucky too? If they are honest with themselves, how can they not?

And the Bostonians who feel lucky to have not been at the marathon but then terribly unlucky to have been locked in their houses all day on Friday. How are you not traumatized by that? By explaining to your children what those loud noises are. By telling them that they can’t go outside because the bad guy, that you always insisted isn’t real, really is. And he might be in your back yard. And he might have a gun or a bomb.

I feel lucky to have been removed. To have watched from afar. To listen and learn and grow.

Lucky to watch the man in the cowboy hat run to the aid of a man covered in blood. Not because it was his job but because it’s what loving people do.

Lucky to listen to the mother of two sons, each of whom lost a leg, who said not that her life ended on that day but that it began.

Lucky to watch the Yankees celebrate the Red Sox, their rivals, with banners, with words, with song.

Lucky to read Facebook posts from around the country and around the world reminding us that last week, we were all Bostonians.

Lucky to read the wise words of my friend Lindsey, writing from Cambridge, as she ‘sheltered in place’ on Friday. This phrase none of us knew before that day that is now a part of our vocabulary.

Lucky to watch the people of Watertown line the streets cheering and waving flags as the first responders finally pulled out of their town, victorious, on Friday night.

Last week was about Boston, yes. But it also wasn’t.

This was about people. The evil that resides in some people but more importantly it was about the boundless good that lives in the rest of us.

Let us not forgot how lucky we are to know that.

 

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“Think of boredom as a ‘gift.’ … boredom is often the precursor to creativity.  Think of a bridge between ‘doing nothing’ and the sort of deep creative play … The bridge is almost always paved with (the frustration of) boredom. ‘I’m bored.’ Now that is when something interesting usually happens.”

-Kim John Payne (from Simplicity Parenting)

Thanks Kara from  Simple Kids for this important reminder…

 

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While our family enjoys being outdoors whenever possible, I wouldn’t necessarily call us the outdoorsy type. In fact, when we heard a comedian use the term ‘indoorsy’, we all chuckled, realizing it could be a useful term. We love playing in the back yard, running, walking  and going to the beach. We like to eat dinner outside and enjoy an ice cream cone on the patio.

Until last week, however, we had never gone hiking. Fortunately, we had some empty days on our calendar, gorgeous weather and a new discovery thanks to the wonders of Facebook.

We learned of an area only 20 minutes away that was perfect for both experienced hikers and novices like us. We packed the car and the dog and began our adventure.

Here is what I learned:

Water is calming.

Being the only people in the woods is empowering.

Even in the woods, it’s important to pose for the camera.

You can still see the wrath of Hurricane Sandy every where you look… nearly six months later.

And maybe even our dog is a tiny bit ‘indoorsy.’

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I’ve been thinking a lot about body image lately.

It all began when Caroline melted down during a recent jean shopping outing because she felt fat.

She is nine.

And she is not fat.

It is true though, that because of her height, she is having a very hard time fitting in to jeans. The style cut for her height is skinny, skinny, skinny. So skinny that they are, in fact, too small.

She has begun to look at herself more critically in the mirror, noticing things that a nine year old should not.

I have always blamed super models, television and film and fashion magazines for our obsession with thin-ness.

I am in no way letting these groups off the hook. Instead, a new group is angering me.

As I read the wonderful Modern Mrs. Darcy’s recent post on LEGO Friends, I learned about a fascinating series of posts called Evolving Skinny Toys. In this series. Rachel Marie Stone has written about a terrifying trend in toy manufacturing. She details the staggering evolution of Queen Frostine (on the Candy Land board), Strawberry Shortcake, my Little Pony and Polly Pocket. In each example, she shows photographs of the toys from the 80s onward. And in each case the dolls have become staggeringly thinner and sexier.

I want to give credit where credit is due so I am not including photos here. Please go and look at Rachel’s work to see the pictures. My words do not adequately explain what has happened to these toys over the years.

Please, take a minute to read Rachel’s post.

And then come back and tell me what are we, as mothers, as women, as humans to do? Something must change.

 

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“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” — Fred Rogers

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Last week, the girls had spring break. Because of all the craziness (and expense) of moving, we stayed home and enjoyed time together. Rob took a few days off and my mom came for a visit. The weather was summer-like and we took full advantage. We were outside as much as possible.

In looking back through our pictures from our adventures, more and more of them seemed to look the one above. The girls running, smiling, free. Children left with open space will run and climb and move. They will explore and  look and wonder.

I hope I can remember this as our schedules fill up during this busy season of spring.

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Happy Birthday to…

My baby.

My snuggler.

My lover of digging and dirt.

My homebody (sometimes!)

My lounger.

My ‘want to be’ mom.

My dreamer.

My explorer.

My diva.

My writer.

My athlete.

My dancer.

My wisher.

My free spirit.

My jokester.

My reader.

My baby.

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I recently wrote an article for Staten Island Parent about fun ways for mothers and daughters to spend time together. Without shopping or going to the nail salon. The link for the article is here and because sometimes it can be hard to read the articles on line, I have also included the text of the article below.

Marvelous Mother-Daughter Dates

I’ve discovered that the only parenting stage tougher than the terrible twos is the ‘terrible tweens.’ One day your sweet, lovable and funny child wakes up and finds you wrong and embarrassing- nearly all the time. Before my daughter becomes a teenager and I am wrong and embarrassing all the time, I plan to spend a lot of time with her, talking, sharing and having fun. Perhaps doing this will make the next stage just a bit easier.

I also hope to spend our time together in activities that support my parenting values. I want her understand that love and money are not the same thing. I want her to know that I respect her for so much more than her beauty. And I want her to know that while I am her friend, I am first and foremost her mother. As tempting as it is to take my daughter shopping or out for a manicure, I hope to find alternatives to these activities.

Here are some of my favorite Mother-Daughter Dates:

Get Moving: Back when my daughter was a toddler, our favorite times were often spent at the park. Now that she is older, I still find that we can have a lot of fun outdoors. While going down the slide together is out of the question, bike rides, and walks have brought us plenty of laughs. For those more serious athletes, consider training and running a local 5K together.

Soups On: Let your daughter choose her favorite meal and together, write the shopping list, go to the store, cook and eat. If this activity becomes a favorite, you can create a cookbook of all your creations. Bonding over food is a great way to talk and learn more about what is on your daughter’s mind.

Craft Away: Visit a local craft shop for inspiration, go home and get to work. Bead bracelets, paint pottery or decorate a wreath. Work on a project together or make gifts for friends or family members.

Museum Magic: Discover what your local museum has to offer. Be it an art, history or science museum, you and your daughter are bound to find something interesting and learn something new. Many museums offer classes or lectures so if you find something that interests both of you, museum going can become a regular activity.

Picnic Time: When my daughter was younger, we would often pack a snack to eat at the park or even in the backyard. Somehow, food eaten outside seemed more exciting. Now that she is older, we can create a more elaborate meal and find a grassy spot in a garden or park to enjoy time together.

Volunteer: Tweens, by definition, spend a good deal of time thinking about themselves and the community directly around them. I love the chance to volunteer with my daughter both for the time it gives us together but also for the opportunity for her to appreciate all that happens in the greater world. Offer to plant flowers outside of your daughter’s school, help an elderly neighbor with their grocery shopping or rake leaves for a sick friend.

Support a Local Team: If your daughter plays sports but is not yet in high school, why not become your high school team’s biggest fans? Watching older girls play a sport that she loves will be both fun and motivating for your daughter and attending the games together will give you both chances to talk and share.

Mother Daughter Book Club: While the idea of a group of mothers and daughters coming together for a book club is a great one, it is also fun to explore a two-person group. When you and your daughter read the same book and then discuss it, there are many opportunities to discuss issues important to both of you.

Coach a Team: Often, families automatically assume that the father should coach the daughter’s team. Why can’t mom be the coach? Attending practices and games is a great way to spend time together.

Plant a Garden: Get outdoors and get dirty. Planting a garden (or a window box or small container) can bring continued mother daughter time as you tend the flowers you have planted.

Girls Night IN: Make popcorn, put on comfy clothes and relax watching your daughter’s favorite movie. The chance to spend quality time at home is a treat in today’s busy world so really focus on your daughter and the conversations you can have.

 

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a writer.

Typing this still makes me sweat.

Why? I can easily say I am a daughter, a friend, a wife, a mother. For years, I called myself a speech therapist, a reading specialist, a literacy consultant, a stay at home mom. Labeling myself is easy.

Why then, is this label of writer so hard?

I stopped seeing clients and taking consulting jobs this year so that I could write. Writing has always been that thing that I would get to when I had time and I knew I wasn’t ever making time for it. So I finally took the plunge and made the time.

And it has actually worked. I have grown my blog following. I have published more than a dozen articles in regional parenting publications.

And still, when people ask me what I do I say I am a mom and I am doing some writing.

I wish I had a wise answer at the end of this post but I don’t. I am still asking why it is so hard to say…

I am a writer.

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We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.

-Buddha

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