Dear Caroline,

Eleven years ago today, you looked like this.

And this is you now.

Whenever I sit down to write birthday letters, I think about my writing teacher Lisa Garrigues and I can feel her shiver. The cliches are coming. I just can’t help it. Time flies. It really and truly does. And I am worried because everyone that I talk to with older children tells me that their children’s first eleven years crept by in comparison to the next eleven. They say that once their children entered middle school, they blinked and they had graduated from college.

I truly don’t understand where the time went but I know that I am so proud of who you have become in these first eleven years.

You are an amazing friend. Just recently, you were with a friend who was sad. I encouraged you to check in with her when you got home and later that night when I read the text exchange between the two of you (Yes- I do that. Remember our deal?), I cried. The caring and maturity that those texts showed was truly amazing. You and your friends are lucky to have each other.

You are a wonderful daughter. We are finding our way through the newness of these tween years. You can love me and hate me in equal measure in the course of a few minutes. I am often reminded of your toddler years when I just never knew what would happen next. That said, when you get angry, you apologize. When you don’t listen, you explain why. When you question, you do so respectfully. I don’t think that we can ask much more than that.

You are a loving sister. You and Katherine both wish the other away at times. You want to be the youngest while Katherine wants to be the oldest. You fight in a way that as an only child, I will never understand. But sometimes, when the doors are closed, I hear Katherine asking you questions about friends and school and life and I hear you answer her with patience and care and love. And when the end of each day comes, you snuggle in bed with her and read and end the day with a hug and a kiss.

You are an intelligent student. You get embarrassed when we talk about your intelligence. This is not a part of you that you want broadcasted to the world but it is something to be proud of. You write and disucss books with a maturity I know I lacked when I was your age. I can not wait to see where you go as a reader and as a writer.

You are a determined athlete. A few years ago you joined our local travel team because one of the teams was short a player. We are quiet certain if you had tried out, you wouldn’t have made the team. And after years of commitment, dedication and hard work, you are joy to watch on the field and a true compliment to your team.

You are a person that I love to be with. This summer, we had a hard time finding a camp that sounded appealing to you so we’ve been spending a lot of one on one time together. At first I was nervous. You’ve always been pretty scheduled during the summer as both you and I need do better when we know what is coming next. But I think we have surprised each other. We’ve gone on errands, read and watched a fair amount of What Not to Wear and Love It or List It. We’ve talked and laughed and I’m feeling sad that you have some scheduled time coming up soon.

Here’s to another eleven years as wonderful as the first (with perhaps a bit more sleep thrown in for good measure!).

Happy Birthday baby girl. I love you with all my heart.

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Every so often, I write a post about the pieces that struck me in the Sunday papers.

Here are a few articles that I thought were worth discussing this weekend…

The Summer’s Most Unread Book Is… by Jordan Ellenberg really got me thinking about what Kindle reading can reveal. Turns out that every Kindle page lists the five passages most highlighted by readers. Therefore, if most readers are reading the entire book then the passages will be scattered throughout the book. On the contrary, books that are abandoned early will have most highlighted passages at the beginning of the book. The article revealed some pretty interesting discoveries about best sellers like The Goldfinch and Lean In.

Social Media’s Vampires: They Text by Night by Laura M. Holson tells of the late night social media habits of teens. I have heard and read a lot about what goes on with teens into the wee hours of the morning and this article gives me yet another reason to make sure the girl’s phones stay out of their rooms at night. And another reason to be glad that I am such a light sleeper that I’m fairly certain I will hear them when they try to tip toe down stairs to get them back.

I have been thinking a lot about reading rewards this summer. I always worry about children who ‘have’ to read books over the summer and what that ‘requirement’ does to help or hurt student’s loves of books. Amy Wrzesniewski and Barry Schwartz write The Secret of Effective Motivation and do a lot to support my beliefs on this subject.

Now I am camp lover. I spent many, many happy summers at sleep away camp and wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. That said, when I read Ladies of the Lanyards by Alexandra Jacobs, I couldn’t help but cringe. I don’t think I will be going to grown up sleep away camp anytime soon.

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“We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.” -William Faulkner

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A few months ago I wrote a post titled, “You”. It was a type of ‘right now, I am…’ or ‘currently, I love…’ As I re-read the post, I realized it would be a fun one to do again.

This week, Katherine has begun camp at her beloved Deerkill but Caroline has been with me. She keeps looking at me and saying, “Is this really all you do when I’m gone?” So far, we’ve gone to they gym, the dry cleaner, the grocery store (2 different stores, one twice) and a gift shop. We’ve walked the dog, talked on the phone, watched some tv, written and read. Add in a few meetings and yup- this is pretty much what I do when she is gone.

She keeps asking me if I am bored and if I should maybe get a job. Obviously there is a lot to say here but in the meantime if was helpful for me  stumble upon You which was written on February 9th of this year. It turns out that some things really do change and happen in this life that I have chosen.

So here goes…

Age: 41

Favorite Part of my Day: This one hasn’t changed. I wrote during the winter and I still agree that the time we all spend in Katherine’s bed reading before bedtime is my favorite part of the day. After devouring We Were Liars (more on this at Great New Books in August), Sally of my most favorite Curious Reader,  recommended that I read her favorite E.Lockheart book, The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks.  So far I am loving it too.

Loving: Our new found time. With school out and soccer practices over, we have so much more time. I can actually cook dinner at dinner time instead of in the middle of the day. So lovely…

Longing for: Ice cream that has no fat or calories. Haagen Dazs chocolate chip preferably.

Dreaming of: More time spent at the beach. We went for a day trip this weekend and I reminded yet again of how happy I am to sit with my toes in the sand and a book in my hand.

Needing: Some motivation to get cooking again. We have had really, really simple dinner lately and I think it is time to get back in to the kitchen.

Navigating: This crazy world of tweens; the push, the pull, the love, the hate. When I first heard the term I thought it was really gimmicky. I now know it is anything but. Tween are truly stuck in between and it feels like a pivotal moment in our parent-child relationship.

Knowing: That I am really lucky to have this slow, quiet time with Caroline during these hot summer weeks.

 

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Recently, a great video has been traveling around Facebook. For some reason, I am unable to embed it on my blog so I’m going to direct you instead to a wonderful blog named Girl’s Gone Child written by the super talented Rebecca Woolf. Rebecca’s blog is a wonderful place to visit so do take a moment when you are there but then come back on over here to read a bit more. In case, you can also find the video by clicking #likeagirl.

The title of this video, produced by Lauren Greenfield is Like a Girl and it is part of a campaign sponsored by Always (don’t laugh- apparently they are doing really good things). In this video we see teenage girls and boys being asked to do various tasks like running and throwing, “like a girl.” You view them over and over again throwing and running weakly and in truth, foolishly. They all looked like Phoebe on my favorite episode of Friends. If you know what I am talking  you can see the visual, right?

Then the videographers ask young girls to do the same things. And over and over again, they run or throw fast with strength, power and confidence. These are children who have yet to internalize what it means to do something ‘like a girl.’

As I watched the video, I couldn’t help but think of my own two girls. One still strong and confident and one slipping rather quickly in to the world of understanding exactly what it means to do something ‘like a girl.’ Over the past few months, I have watched Caroline’s confidence shrink as she goes from being the girl who posed for the picture below only a few short years ago

to this girl who is beginning to cross her arms in pictures as if to cover all her wonderfulness.
I know that media and society get a bad reputation but in this case, I swear Rob and I haven’t done anything new or different. If anything, we work tirelessly to keep Caroline’s confidence high. What else then has changed? Obviously, Caroline has entered the age where we all suffer a bit from self-doubt. I can clearly remember walking in to the lunch room in my school imagining that ever single person seated there was looking at me and critiquing what I was wearing so I know she is not alone.

Our challenge then as parents is to constantly remind these girls of all their wonderfulness. It is to remind them that to run and throw like a girl is to run and throw with as much strength and confidence as they can muster because they are amazing. I’m so glad I took the three minutes to watch this video as I know I needed the encouragement to keep up with these reminders. Here’s to doing things #likeagirl, always and forever.

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“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like a flower.”

-Thich Nhat Hanh

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Things have been quiet in my little corner of the internet this week. I keep wanting to write entire posts about everything that has been happening around here and I still might but for now (because those posts don’t seem to be writing themselves!) here’s our week (so far!) in review. I sure am feeling like one lucky girl…

Katherine celebrated her last day of second grade.

Caroline graduated fifth grade meaning that we now have a middle schooler in the house. How is that even possible?

We went in to the city with my mom to see Cinderella.

And my mom and I were lucky enough to meet Elizabeth Gilbert who is on tour for the paperback release of The Signature of All Things.

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“The world is a great mirror. It reflects back to you what you are. If you are loving, if you are friendly, if you are helpful, the world will prove loving and friendly and helpful to you. The world is what you are.”

-Thomas Dreier

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I have been a huge fan of Literary Mama ever since I met it’s Editor in Chief, Caroline Grant, in an on-line class 8 years ago. The site is full of great writing and inspiration and today I am proud to say, you can find my words there.

Please click here to read my thoughts on jean shopping with a tween. As you can imagine, I do not paint a pretty picture. I’d love to hear your thoughts so don’t be shy!

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It’s my favorite time of the month.Today is  Twitterature Day, hosted by the lovely Anne at Modern Mrs. Darcy. Below are short, Twitter-style, reviews of books that I have read this past month.  Seating Arrangements by Maggie Shipstead. After reading and loving Astonish Me last month, I was anxious to read Maggie Shipstead’s earlier work. It was difficult to believe that the two books were written by the same author. They were so different in topic and tone. That said, I loved them both. Still Alice by Lisa Genova. For a person who worries about how forgetful she is becoming, this book, about a Harvard professor with early onset Alzheimer’s, was a great read but a bit scary at the same time. All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr is a book that we are going to hear a lot about over the coming months. The story is gripping and the writing is gorgeous. I’m quite sure that I will write a separate review for this one. It was just that good.

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