Stacey Loscalzo

Oct 08

An Important Disconnect

by Stacey


Last week, I attended a lecture called Emotionally Intelligent Parenting, presented by Dr. Maurice Elias, Professor of Psychology at Rutgers University. Dr. Elias is a wise man and I walked away with lots of information and ideas. My favorite part of the presentation though was the very first activity he asked us to do.

He posed this question:

If you had a magic wand, which of these values do you wish your children could internalize forever?

You may only choose three.





Long Life




After a few minutes, Dr. Elias asked us to call out our answers. The crowd was relatively large so there was not consensus. However, not a single person said beauty, riches or popularity. Yet, as Dr. Elias reminded us, our culture seems to value and reward only those three values.

An interesting and important disconnect and one I can’t seem to stop thinking about…


  1. Shana Norris says:

    This is so thought-provoking, Stacey.  There is most certainly a disconnect, and I’m guilty of it myself.  Of the three – beauty, riches, and popularity – I find myself worrying about popularity for my kids’ sakes.  Not because I really care if they’re popular exactly … but I do care about whether or not they feel like they have a close group of friends.

    • Stacey says:

      Shana- I agree with you. The whole popularity thing is really hard. It’s so easy to get caught up right back where I was in high school…

  2. Only three – that’s a tough one. Long life – but without internal peace, friends and family, who would want a long life? Peace, friends, and family, I think I’d choose.

    • Stacey says:

      Beverly- I like your list… Interestingly, the other women that I talked with at the conference agreed that long life was nothing without the others as well. I agree totally with your list but then I also really want to ad in wisdom. A really good exercise, I thought! Thanks for reading!

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