Day Dreams*

I don’t often remember my dreams and I’m jealous of those that do. I’ve tried to keep a notebook by my bed to write them down but somehow that never works. I don’t tend to wake up in the middle of the night (thank goodness!) unless called upon by a child or animal. And when I wake in the morning, there don’t tend to be any dreams right there in my memory. I did have one recurring dream as a child but not since. In that dream, I am riding my big wheel around the end of my grandparent’s dead end street until I am trapped in a fallen garbage can. Do with that as you will. As I type,, I suppose it is rich for some deep dream interpretation. Instead of going there though, I will take this prompt to day dreams. Here are a few…

I daydream of vacation days. The beach is most definitely my happy place and my mind drifts there often. I imagine recent trips to Long Beach Island and Nantucket. But then also to older visits like the Brewster flats as a camper and counselor at sleepaway camp all those years ago. Or the other Cape Cod beaches I would go to with Mom and Aunt Emmy. I remember a private beach and carrying small folding beach chairs. I dream of the Rocks in Sakonnet and the big crashing waves at the Sakonnet Beach Club. I remember turning blue with cold and Dad saying I just didn’t have enough blubber on me to stay warm. I remember jumping off the low diving board into the ocean and never really having enough guts to jump off the high board.

I daydream of high school these days as Caroline counts down the days until she is officially a Freshman. I think of the big LL Bean canvas bag full to overflowing with homework. I think of turning of our trays vertically on the lunch table to fit in one or two more friends. I think of Mrs. Barrows trying her best to get me to grasp Geometry and of hours and hours spent memorizing dates and names for AP US History only to have panic set in on test days. I remember leaving for lunch as a Junior and feeling like a full on adult.

I daydream of stories and articles written with my name on the byline. I dream of setting up my days to make this happen. I dream of finally gaining control of my schedule and more importantly my priorities.

I daydream of a day when the news is just the news and not always a scroll of ‘breaking news’ that makes me anxious and sad. I daydream of a day when I don’t wake wondering what happened over night. When I can listen to the radio on the alarm not for important updates but for the weather forecast and maybe sports scores.

I daydream more and more these days as the girls get older and Rob and I get older along side them. I can feel a new chapter starting here. The girls are at such a different place than they were just a year ago. Middle and high school begins in days. They are not the babies they once were and I am not the mom I was then. Times are changing for all of us. And that opens the world to fear and anxiety but also to daydreams of things to come.

 

*I have taken Ali Edward’s 31 Days Class in the past and have used her prompts here before. I am desperate to get back to a regular writing practice and am going to using Ali’s prompts as a starting point. I will be posting here as often as I can. Fingers crossed, it sticks.